My Darling Indiana, Love Mummy

When I found out I was pregnant, I thought it was too good to be true, and once it really sunk in, I already had so much love to give to you.

Approaching 30 weeks, my pregnancy had been bliss, only 10 weeks left til I could give my girl a kiss.

You had other plans in mind, you must have wanted out, late at night my body felt strange, it made me scream & shout.

“This can’t be it, it’s too early!” That’s what your Daddy said to me, but I knew that you were coming, and that’s just how it was going to be.

We only just quite made it, you were wanting out quite fast, all I could think of was that you’d be ok, we had been in the past!

When I had you, it was all such a blur. People were everywhere they said “We’ll take care of her!” They whisked you away, off down the hall, I wanted to follow but they said “Stay in bed you’ll fall”

I lay there in shock, worried sick about you, Daddy was with you & I wanted to be there too!

A few hours passed & finally it was time. I got to go see you my precious, this little girl was mine!

Machines, tubes & wires, a little isolette too, you were so so beautiful but I didn’t know what to do!

We couldn’t touch, we couldn’t hold, we had to just leave you be. It was so very hard, why can’t you be with me?

36 hours had passed, and I finally got my wish, to hold you on my chest & feel the warmth of your breath

Night time came again, so back to my bed I went, not a wink of sleep I got, only thinking of you instead.

I lay down & had a cry, because we were so far apart, other babies near me with their mothers, for me that was the saddest part.

I wanted you beside me, right where you belong, to snuggle up, admire you & sing you a pretty song.

Home time for me came, so I said my goodbyes, as I walked out those doors to leave you for the very first time

Extreme feelings of sadness, guilt & the “why me’s?” How can I just leave you, this is not how it’s supposed to be.

You were nothing short of amazing, I spent everyday by your side, you knew just what you had to do & you filled me with so much pride.

42 long days & nights we had come in & then had to say bye bye, but when day 43 arrived I felt like I could fly!

We walked out of that hospital with you safely in our arms, I had tears, but not sad ones this time, these tears were more calm.

My little darling girl, finally got to come home, it all started to sink in that you really were my own!!

Our journey will never be forgotten, and when your old enough to understand, I will tell you all about how you were once so small I could hold you with one hand.

How you were truly inspiring & fought with all you had, you had a wrinkly little bum & you look just like your Dad!

I hope you grow up knowing, of the love I have for you, and that we are all so much stronger for the journey we went through 💖